Murderer (Redux)

Murderer

Failed. My attempts to save the thought

Frantically digging through the walls of mind

Battles that have been brutishly fought

In blood, the truce is finally signed.

Knife rusted in caustic memories

Slaughters remainders of my callous heart--

The heart,

Bent on betraying me once more

The old Judas,

Murderer!

Whore!!!

Waiting for the worst possible moment

To flee the battle and beat no more. 

Don’t bother loving me, don’t waste your talents

Don’t let your hair touch my lips

hung to the floor.

The most beautiful scent that I can remember

Was scent of you that I once wore.

Earthquakes creating new islands rumble

Night stranglers whisper to those long dead

Shell of my heart, I let you crumble

All the love in you,

Already bled.

How worthy now are all of my words?

Eternally damned, mind foams with contempt

With slush of knowledge I shielded my ruins

But from destruction was not exempt.

I still remember, and will forever

Unto the tiniest detail

None shall escape this torture chamber

There are no exits from this cold jail.

Each one will further crucify soul

With dull nails of fleeting memory

And each one curse it to roam forever

In darkness

Even after all is but history.

Which idols to put up on pedestals now?

Icons of old age have long been buried.

In iron darkness what’s there to vow?

In front of whom children are to be married?

I’m asking, Father, beside your grave stone

You squandered your time in murderous rage

No one, no longer sits on that damned throne

Of war, and avoidance

we’ve entered the age.

Conscious of it, I can’t help but wonder

If imitation is the biggest compliment of all.

I’ll reason.

I’ll try it.

And just before its flag I hang on the wall 

I’ll smash it, so not to spit in my face. 

So no one can see me

Nor recognize

Of the old faker, similarity or trace. 

Wake up! Pry open those soulless eyes.

You still don’t realize that the very thing hurting

With flood,

With Famine

And all the sweet lies

Are the best that impotent father could muster.

In all the glory he was falsley asserting.

Look at the silly bewildered beasts

Of his dim-witted, backward “creation”

All the mistakes and the incompetence 

Gave us “the people”

And gave us “nations”

To whom do you belong? To whom would you pray?

Just to be called one of their own?

With hammers,

With blood

And tears of all victims

The seeds of new era here must be sown.

To blossom in the bloodiest sunrise

To color the oceans with fear of new -

From your own fear and nightmarish mind

It rises,

Squeezes,

Slowly strangles

All guards of The Old, screaming “The Coup!!!”

The fingers of steel cannot just stop

Nor let go easily of my dried-out throat

To wake up,

Cheat,

And come out on top

To laugh at God’s face

And all He wrote.

You mumble, grimace, you holy madman

Your son has drawn the sword from its sheath.

Don’t turn, I am only few steps behind you.

Long is the fall to darkness beneath.

Cut of the blade makes the Heavens cry

It’s my own doing, making me weep

The masses mourning the death of the sky

Weeds of the old faith 

Time is to reap.

Mama,

Your son has become the murderer of creation.

Mama,

He chained the God to his feet.

Mama,

Not for a moment his hand did tremble.

Mama,

Is that the destiny that he must meet?

Serene, standing

On battle bruised cloud

A child after the murderous act. 

Smiling at my own shadow

Angry.

Loud.

At peace with odds against me stacked.

For a moment or two 
I'll allow the world

See what it sorely, for ages, lacked.

Then I will call out with voice of thunder

Look at me!!! 
Judgment now stands above.

The edge of new sunrise will hide the old blunder.

I bring you no peace.

I bring no love.

Cry to no end, marvel the failures

Eternally we have been suffering for.

Then settle, 
hear me.

Feel your skin crawl.

Listen up!

I am coming forth.

2015