Murderer

I must attempt to save the thought
That’s frantically trying to escape my mind
Even if sometimes it brutishly appears,
And other times in delirium lies
With knife rusted from old memories
Slaughters remainders of my callous heart.
That heart bent on betraying me once more
That old Judas (the whore)
Just waiting for the worst moment to stop the battle
The beating.

Don’t bother loving me anymore
Let strands of your hair touch my lips
The most beautiful scent
I once wore.
Now earthquakes creating new islands rumble
Night stranglers converse with the dead
And the shell of the heart
starts to hurt
again
From the carcass of a dead beast.
How worthy are then all my words?
And my eternally damned mind?
And all the knowledge layered over it?
How worthy is a heart
that protects itself
With long time expired
slush of knowledge?

I remember though, I will forever
Unto the tiniest detail.
And each of them will crucify my soul further
With a dull nail of memory.
Cursing it to roam forever through darkness
Once, when you’re no longer close.

Just what one can celebrate today, I wonder!
The icons of old age are all rendered soulless.
Darkness has choked everything
That was once holy.
I’m asking you, Father, staring in your eyes
Wondering if imitation is still
The highest compliment of all.
I’ll reason
I’ll try it
And just when I’m certain it’s true
I’ll smash it just not to insult myself
So no one can see me
Nor recognize me
As a simple faker.

Wake up, and open your soulless eyes
You still don’t know that the very thing hurting
is the biggest gift your uncreative maker could give.
Whether it’s your heart or your tainted soul?
Perhaps just continue to sleep:
Knowing this is worse than being the best
But still fatherless.
Dream of all silly
Sad wildered beasts
Of His retarded “creation”.
All His mistakes and incompetence
Gave us “the people” and “nations”.

Whom do you belong? Whom would you pray to?
Oh, just so they call you their own?
When now with hammer,
The blood and the tears
New reality must be conceived.
Wake up with the smell of bloodiest sunrise
Color the oceans the color of terror
From your own fear
And nightmarish mind
It rises,
Squeezes,
It slowly strangles
All of the world
With your cursed emptiness.

Iron-clad fingers in shock don’t know how to stop
Nor can they let go of my dried-out throat.
To wake up,
Cheat,
To still know
And laugh to the face of the God.
You grimace, mumble
Your holiness
While your son draws the sword from its sheath
Don’t turn around,
I’m only few steps behind you.
Find your own faith in your false hope.
The spark of the blade makes heavens cry
I also cry together with it.
All people and every soul will find out
Just how much hurts this horrendous act.

Mama,
Your son has become the murderer of creation.
Mama,
He chained the God to his feet.
Mama,
For second his hand didn’t tremble.
Mama,
Is that the destiny that he must meet?

Serene on the clouds I’m standing
Like a child after the murderous act.
Marveling at my own reflection
Not fearing giant, colossal sight
For now, just for a minute I let
The world to enjoy its own fake self-might.

Earth!
Look at me!!!
The new judgment now stands way above you
On the edge of the brand new sunrise
Complaints of your fruits are multiplying.
What once was it doesn’t matter
Irrelevant past flaps its wings
Marvel the failures you made us suffer for.
Then feel your skin crawl.
Listen up.
I’m coming forth.

2014