I've always loved you

Before you knew my name

When we were just mere strangers

The star fell from the sky

landed

in your eye

I didn’t suspect, but even then

I knew

I’ve always loved you.

From the failed attempt of romance

My heart clawed at my throat

Floating above ground in lock with you steps

In spasm hiding one

Simple

Truth:

I’ve always loved you.

I disappeared without words or traces

In silence I turned my back

Hid in July night’s thousand faces

Insulting heavy tears on my back.

I’ve always loved you.

When lie melts into all world I’ve known of

You’ll come back in silence,

And all locks breaking.

I have no way out, for as long as I live

Wounded, the heart is still yours for taking.

I’ve always loved you.

2014

Heavenly

The Sun is shining ever so brighter

Ripping open shutters of my dreamy eyes
Piercing my dreams, this heavenly fighter
This time not bringing terror,
demise.

As I wait in silence, heart starts to revolt
Who dares disturbing my dreams of old?
Heavenly rain, nor this lightning bolt
Cannot revive heart covered in mold.

Minute after minute, ticking away
Needles of clock
slashing my ears.
Again to false hope should I fall pray?
Or with darkness abound should I make peace?

Run, retreat under your covers
Search through the old, so familiar graves
Old ghosts of pasts won’t help your desires
Nor understand what your soul now craves.

Stop running!
Turn!
Look at those eyes!
The eyes you see when you close your own.
This can be heaven.
This could be demise.
But cannot be worse than your own soulless mourn.

I turn.
I look.
With my eyes open,
Falling on my knees in righteous awe.
You, I’ve been waiting, while by world broken
I hid what most I wanted to show.

Touch me, for once…
Don’t be afraid
See that I’m not what world’s made me to be.
The wit and mind, and all those sharp blades
Hide in your softness…
Let no one see.

So desperately I try to breathe you in
While you quietly sleep and dream on my arm
I hold it.
Remember it
And from within
I let myself hope in spite of the harm.

And though there are dreams that cannot die
Nightly they keep me breathlessly awake
It is you lighting the spark in my eye
Making me realize what’s ours is to take.

I want to take you, follow the Sun
Avoid the darkness, ever so cleverly
I’ll try to make this dream with you
Last forever.
You, who make me feel
Oh, so
Heavenly

2014

Veil of Frienship

Years in vigilance have passed,

I sought.

Many distractions have come and gone.

Laughter will hide the sorrow,

I thought.

Another morning:

Again, I’m alone.

No tears will ever leap from my eyes

The soul, it seems

eternally cries.

In its own cage woven by darkness

Indifferent

and hardened

By lies.

If only I realized all the past needs

A different Sun would rise from the east

Shine on both of us,

And all our deeds.

But the Sun unpleasant today it feels.

I need to pierce deeper than your smile

Far beyond surface to find your sadness

Cast it away from the depth of your eyes,

And leave forever

this silent madness.

When you wake up to the brand new Sun

You’ll find enlightened soul in the end.

The one who rose from his own damnation.

The one whom truly you can call friend.

2014

Murderer

I must attempt to save the thought
That’s frantically trying to escape my mind
Even if sometimes it brutishly appears,
And other times in delirium lies
With knife rusted from old memories
Slaughters remainders of my callous heart.
That heart bent on betraying me once more
That old Judas (the whore)
Just waiting for the worst moment to stop the battle
The beating.

Don’t bother loving me anymore
Let strands of your hair touch my lips
The most beautiful scent
I once wore.
Now earthquakes creating new islands rumble
Night stranglers converse with the dead
And the shell of the heart
starts to hurt
again
From the carcass of a dead beast.
How worthy are then all my words?
And my eternally damned mind?
And all the knowledge layered over it?
How worthy is a heart
that protects itself
With long time expired
slush of knowledge?

I remember though, I will forever
Unto the tiniest detail.
And each of them will crucify my soul further
With a dull nail of memory.
Cursing it to roam forever through darkness
Once, when you’re no longer close.

Just what one can celebrate today, I wonder!
The icons of old age are all rendered soulless.
Darkness has choked everything
That was once holy.
I’m asking you, Father, staring in your eyes
Wondering if imitation is still
The highest compliment of all.
I’ll reason
I’ll try it
And just when I’m certain it’s true
I’ll smash it just not to insult myself
So no one can see me
Nor recognize me
As a simple faker.

Wake up, and open your soulless eyes
You still don’t know that the very thing hurting
is the biggest gift your uncreative maker could give.
Whether it’s your heart or your tainted soul?
Perhaps just continue to sleep:
Knowing this is worse than being the best
But still fatherless.
Dream of all silly
Sad wildered beasts
Of His retarded “creation”.
All His mistakes and incompetence
Gave us “the people” and “nations”.

Whom do you belong? Whom would you pray to?
Oh, just so they call you their own?
When now with hammer,
The blood and the tears
New reality must be conceived.
Wake up with the smell of bloodiest sunrise
Color the oceans the color of terror
From your own fear
And nightmarish mind
It rises,
Squeezes,
It slowly strangles
All of the world
With your cursed emptiness.

Iron-clad fingers in shock don’t know how to stop
Nor can they let go of my dried-out throat.
To wake up,
Cheat,
To still know
And laugh to the face of the God.
You grimace, mumble
Your holiness
While your son draws the sword from its sheath
Don’t turn around,
I’m only few steps behind you.
Find your own faith in your false hope.
The spark of the blade makes heavens cry
I also cry together with it.
All people and every soul will find out
Just how much hurts this horrendous act.

Mama,
Your son has become the murderer of creation.
Mama,
He chained the God to his feet.
Mama,
For second his hand didn’t tremble.
Mama,
Is that the destiny that he must meet?

Serene on the clouds I’m standing
Like a child after the murderous act.
Marveling at my own reflection
Not fearing giant, colossal sight
For now, just for a minute I let
The world to enjoy its own fake self-might.

Earth!
Look at me!!!
The new judgment now stands way above you
On the edge of the brand new sunrise
Complaints of your fruits are multiplying.
What once was it doesn’t matter
Irrelevant past flaps its wings
Marvel the failures you made us suffer for.
Then feel your skin crawl.
Listen up.
I’m coming forth.

2014

Ubica

Misao da sacuvam,
moram, jer bjezi.
Dodje ponekad nezvano, grubo -
Nekada u deliriumu lezi
I nozem rdjavim od sjecanja
probode ostatke zadebljalog srca.
Srca koje ce da me izda,
Izdajnik stari (rospija)
cim najnepogodniji trentak nadje
da prestane se bori,
da kuca.

Sad vise me ne ljubi i ne dozvoli
da vlasi kose tvoje usne dodirnu.
To vise mi je znacilo no tebi.
Zemljotresi sto nova ostrva stvaraju
I davitelji nocni s'mrtvima kad razgovaraju...
A ljustura srce opet zatutnji
iz tijela mrtve zvijeri.
Sta onda vrijedice i moje rijeci,
i um moj prokleti,
i sve znanje sto se u njemu natalozilo
(talozilo godinama bez tebe).
Koliko vrijedno je srce takvo,
sto stiti se od svijeta
ustajalom
zabokrecinom znanja.

Ali pamticu svaki trenutak
u svakom detalju
A svaki ce detalj tupim klinom
razapeti dalje
okrvavljenu dusu.
Tumarace zamagljenom tminom.
Kad ne bude te vise blizu.

I pitam se sta vise i slaviti danas
Kad vec su i ikone obesvetili?
I u crno zavili sve ono
sto su u proslosti svetili.
Pitam te, Oce, gledam te u oci
Razmatram da li je
imitacija i dalje
najveci kompliment od svih?
Rezonovacu,
isprobati je
i taman kad se uvjerim da jeste
Smrskacu je da samog sebe ne uvrijedim
Niti da iko me vidi,
jer ne zelim da iko me prepozna
kao samo imitatora.

Probudi se, oci otvori!
Ti jos i ne znas da to sto te boli
je najveci poklon
od nemastovitog Tvorca.
Dal srce je, ili mozda dusa?
Ipak i dalje nastavi da spavas:
To znati je gore
nego biti najbolji,
ali ipak bez Oca.
Sanjaj sve smijesne,
zalosne zvijeri
Njegove zakrzljale kreacije.
Iz gresaka,
bolne nekompetentnosti
nikli su narodi, nacije!

Kome pripadas? Kome se molis?
Samo da svojim te zovu?
Sad kad cekicem,
i krvlju i znojem
treba stvarati realnost novu.
Probudi se uz miris krvave zore
Okean oboji terora bojom
Iz tvoga straha
i nocne more
Dize se,
steze,
polako davi
sav svijet
prokletom
praznocom tvojom.

Prsti u grcu ne znaju stati
Grlo da puste oni ne mogu
Probuditi se,
varati,
znati
a smijati se u lice bogu.
Mrstis se, mumljas,
bozanstvo sveto
dok sin iza ledja ostri noz vadi
Ne okreci se,
jos par sam koraka daleko
Vjeru pronadji u laznoj nadi.
Ostrica sjevnu, nebo zaplaka
a placem i ja zajedno s'njim
Znace sav narod i dusa svaka
Koliko boli taj strasni cin.
Mama,
tvoj sin je postao ubica, bruka.
Mama,
lancima je vezao Boga.
Mama,
za tren mu nije drhtala ruka.
Mama,
zar to je sudbina za sina tvoga?

Na oblacima spokojan stojim
ko' dijete posle zlocina
U moru se ogledam, divim
velicine svoje ja se ne bojim
Polako pustam svijet
da pociva.
Zemljo, pogledaj gore
Novi sud nad tobom stoji
Na rubu nove zore
Optuzbi broj se roji.
Sto bilo je nije ni vazno
proslost nema vise nista sa tim.
Uzivaj u jos par trenutaka lazno
Onda se najezi...
Poslusaj:
Ja dolazim!

2014

Ivana

    Pojavila se, zastala samo.
    U trenu rekla pozdrava rijeci.
    Kao prolaznik, iduci tamo
    Gdje samoca moze bol da izlijeci.
    Pet godina si u tamnici uma
    Trazila boli, misli da stanu
    U olujnoj noci pritisak hladni
    S’tobom je cekao snove da padnu.
   
    Bjezis,
    A ne znas kome ni kuda.
    Trazis
    Dok ruke hladnocu grle
    Ivana, shvati-Prokletstvo svuda
    Kud krenes pratice
    Inteligentnost
    Misao luda
    Gdje god da tvoje misli pohrle.
   
    I sanjao sam
    Mislis-Nisam u pravu.
    U nevjerici guzvajuci rukav
    Kao luda.
    Rekla si glasom parajuci tamu:
    “Samo da znate-
    Ja ne znam kuda!
   
    Sjeti se-Proslost
    Bez buducnosti stoji
    Sutrasnji dan bez juce mi svice
    Sanjam ulicu I mir sa kojim
    Nekada jedno bilo je bice”.
    Ja zelim da odem lagano u snu,
    i to ukratko sve bilo bi
    Cekaj!
    Zar ima snova na dnu?
    -Djecijeg placa zeljni smo svi.
   
    I ti dok prikovana za zemlju
    Sanjas krila-
    Suze sto lijes potresaju tlo.
    Ivana,
    Zamisli kako ulica pusta bi bila
    Da praznoca hoda
    Stopama tvojim
    I zlo
    Dok sunce sneno umire
    I uzas nosi mislima mojim.

    Sto nam je dato uzmi.
    Napravi najbolje s’tim sto umijes.
    Zatvori oci i pogledaj:
    Ti znas.
    Ti smijes!
    Bar ti razumijes.
    Razlog ce doci.
    Ivana, ne daj
    One na koje ko' sunce
    Grijes.
   
2001

Inferno

Shadows of doubt are looming
Deep, within darkness of soul
Who can put out the heart that is burning?
And turn it not into the lifeless stone.

The brigades of firemen are waiting
But they cannot wait for much longer
The flames overtaking
With each second they grow stronger

Who has been playing with fire?
Forces we cannot control
Who colossal love and admire
Has turned into the darkest hole?

Trapped in the inferno rising
With smell of your own burning skin.
To me is all but surprising!
Now scream and running begin.

But wait for another second
Clouds are bringing the storm
No firemen will be needed
When Almighty starts to perform.

With each drop the flames are choking
My soul is parting away
The rubble of what heart was, still smoking
As I whisper, finally pray

What good was the honesty, dear Lord?
When only ashes it brought
And all those battles I once fought
for something that can't be restored.
Pull yourself out of my ruins
Now you can find your own peace
Fighting the odds and desire
In fire my heart has deceased.

2007