Tuesday, February 3, 2015

Murderer (Redux)

Murderer

Failed. My attempts to save the thought
Frantically digging through the walls of mind
Battles that have been brutishly fought
In blood, the truce is finally signed.
Knife rusted in caustic memories
Slaughters remainders of my callous heart--
The heart,
Bent on betraying me once more
The old Judas,
Murderer!
Whore!!!
Waiting for the worst possible moment
To flee the battle and beat no more. 

Don’t bother loving me, don’t waste your talents
Don’t let your hair touch my lips
hung to the floor.
The most beautiful scent that I can remember
Was scent of you that I once wore.
Earthquakes creating new islands rumble
Night stranglers whisper to those long dead
Shell of my heart, I let you crumble
All the love in you,
Already bled.
How worthy now are all of my words?
Eternally damned, mind foams with contempt
With slush of knowledge I shielded my ruins
But from destruction was not exempt.

I still remember, and will forever
Unto the tiniest detail
None shall escape this torture chamber
There are no exits from this cold jail.
Each one will further crucify soul
With dull nails of fleeting memory
And each one curse it to roam forever
In darkness
Even after all is but history.

Which idols to put up on pedestals now?
Icons of old age have long been buried.
In iron darkness what’s there to vow?
In front of whom children are to be married?

I’m asking, Father, beside your grave stone
You squandered your time in murderous rage
No one, no longer sits on that damned throne
Of war, and avoidance
we’ve entered the age.
Conscious of it, I can’t help but wonder
If imitation is the biggest compliment of all.
I’ll reason.
I’ll try it.
And just before its flag I hang on the wall 
I’ll smash it, so not to spit in my face. 
So no one can see me
Nor recognize
Of the old faker, similarity or trace. 

Wake up! Pry open those soulless eyes.
You still don’t realize that the very thing hurting
With flood,
With Famine
And all the sweet lies
Are the best that impotent father could muster.
In all the glory he was falsley asserting.
Look at the silly bewildered beasts
Of his dim-witted, backward “creation”
All the mistakes and the incompetence 
Gave us “the people”
And gave us “nations”
To whom do you belong? To whom would you pray?
Just to be called one of their own?
With hammers,
With blood
And tears of all victims
The seeds of new era here must be sown.
To blossom in the bloodiest sunrise
To color the oceans with fear of new -
From your own fear and nightmarish mind
It rises,
Squeezes,
Slowly strangles
All guards of The Old, screaming “The Coup!!!”

The fingers of steel cannot just stop
Nor let go easily of my dried-out throat
To wake up,
Cheat,
And come out on top
To laugh at God’s face
And all He wrote.

You mumble, grimace, you holy madman
Your son has drawn the sword from its sheath.
Don’t turn, am only few steps behind you.
Long is the fall to darkness beneath.
Cut of the blade makes the Heavens cry
It’s my own doing, making me weep
The masses mourning the death of the sky
Weeds of the old faith 
Time is to reap.

Mama,
Your son has become the murderer of creation.
Mama,
He chained the God to his feet.
Mama,
Not for a moment his hand did tremble.
Mama,
Is that the destiny that he must meet?

Serene, standing
On battle bruised cloud
A child after the murderous act. 
Smiling at my own shadow
Angry.
Loud.
At peace with odds against me stacked.
For a moment or two 
I'll allow the world
See what it sorely, for ages, lacked.

Then I will call out with voice of thunder
Look at me!!! 
Judgment now stands above.
The edge of new sunrise will hide the old blunder.
I bring you no peace.
I bring no love.
Cry to no end, marvel the failures
Eternally we have been suffering for.
Then settle, 
hear me.
Feel your skin crawl.
Listen up!
am coming forth.


2015

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