I made a wish today.
Perhaps even before.
I am not certain,
Not anymore.
When my soul longs for something
Weather desire was heart-bottom truth
Or just another illusion had happened
To me…
Just like you did.
Yes, a lot like you.
I fly.
In agony, unable to touch the ground
With my feet over my shadow,
Reaching closed sky.
Lighter than air.
So disgustingly light I hardly can bear.
Drawing silhouettes on the stones of asphalt
That merely resemble of myself
Once, when I’d in the peek of my might
On one way street paved with the light
Left clear traces, left deep scars
Some other people once must have followed
From deep dirt of mud to shiny throne
Where now? – I ask.
Will I be able once more to go on?
I read some of incredible rhymes
Could not help it, but not to ask:
Why are we proud of all those things
That we were ashamed of once in the past?
Am I proud?
Where my pride comes from?
I’d know if moment could forever last.
Now every thought that boils in my mind
Disappears in a lightning moment
Turns into vapor
Pollutes the air
Around us,
Inside ourselves.
“My mind is the darkest dungeon of all.”-
Do you remember words of long lost poet?
The omen reaching through hollow dreams
Speaks of a meaning and of my means.
Truth and destiny hidden in one place.
I feel it, as sweat in fear
Runs down my face.
I sleepwalked again last night.
Not only walked, but in my polymorphism
Melt down with the wall, while my feet
Sunk in soft surface, towards the bottom
Of cold concrete.
Rain fell over my heart.
I traveled to you through my dreams and words
Felt brave, reborn all over again
But I stopped abruptly the moment I felt
Icy knife reaching from your breath.
Oh, God,
Why couldn’t I ever say that I loved you
In past life and before
The God himself
Once
Before Noah sailed his way
Through awful, rotten
God's swamps.
Occasionally
I regret, but most of times
I’m thankful to myself for the way I travel
On this road of self, and those magic moments
When we are alone: Just me,
I and you, in crack of the mind
When headless creature of inspiration
Dances in the mud of heart
Finally is born
Then starts to run
Jumping around
Like a madman,
Growing each second feeding on dirt
That boils and spreads from air around.
Until it finally overgrows
And painfully thorn
Explodes
With ear piercing howling
Squirting face with blood.
While seconds are ticking away.
One moment was born
But previous died
Then another one right after it.
Making a graveyard of pointless moments
Reaching eternity, reaching so far.
Still unable to reach,
To touch
The grave in front of it.
Another verse found its way out
Another scar,
In eternity.
In emptiness.
I thought about creation
And lack of originality in our lives.
To me, every
Madman is original
Insane man-big or a small one
Misunderstood, every one-originality master
Although we never gave him a credit.
A thought-Not a bit.
But originality quietly hides itself
Untouchable,
Non-existent
For us, who take it away from others.
Celebrating it as our own.
Celebrating it as misunderstood.
Unique and hidden
From hungry world.
Run away!
Hide your self away, my friend.
With all this lightness I’ll try to break
Principles and laws you have learned so far
And perhaps at the end,
When you least expect it
I’ll fire up the will inside you to change
To live and to die
And be born again.
All in one moment-
Just like did I.
I, I, I, I !
That’s all my ears have heard today
Marching over a gloomy graves
Of those who have fallen for silly ideals
Of those who will never hear silent pray
From their dearest ones, their closest ones.
An old woman with eyes hanging to the ground
Mourning for someone of her own kind
Asked me, twisting her furious face:
Is this still not enough for you???
Pause.
Quiet.
Isn’t it?
I wanted to scream,
To rip sky with voice and all world to be
One sword of screams:
Woman! People!!!
You, who have sold your own dreams
Replaced them with someone’s foolish ideals
Wouldn’t you rather trade place with me?
So instead of all your bitter sorrows
Glorious happiness of my heart to be.
Would you celebrate or cry out in rage
For all curses I have brought down with me
While soul after soul is mercilessly cut
And under my feet, in dirt, it bleeds.
You must be thinking-It’s so easy for a man
Still haven’t seen the most
Terrifying scene.
Have you?
My face-that pale, cold stone
When peace streams down through my open veins
So peaceful-
Non existing,
Like a pulse of a dead man you’re crying for
And then, not only that I just hear.
In magic of glorious moment I feel:
I! I! I! I!
It’s too insufficient for me!
Yes!
So limited and so insufficient.
The beast is roaring in rage from inside
While I look at you all with eyes of a child
Innocently,
And ready for crime.
Thoughts-they are the greatest treasure of all
For those sophisticated enough to use them.
And are even a greater punishment
For those who can only soak their mind
In idea that says: ”I don’t know how”.
I try to stay calm
Aware of surroundings
Try not to blow up in front of ignorance sight.
I look for,
I’m finding…
But can’t seem to keep for long time
Thought.
A friend that comes the best in pair with silence
Like a guest, with morning coffee and grayness
Of cigarette smoke.
With every new day
And new beginning
I continue
Like we all continue
Our new beginning
Tying it onto
Our unfinished,
Never ending
Ends.
Oh just how bitterly I want to cry!
Each tear will wash out from my stained soul pain.
Endlessly I would cheat people, lie-
My foe as well as the brother of mine.
End up the curse of my knowledge-
That Crime.
But devil doesn’t want to allow.
Devil or some silly
Miniature god.
2001
